Dear friend,
I do not know what has brought you to this moment. I do not know whether it is a relationship that ended, a loss you did not see coming, a health diagnosis, a career collapse, a slow erosion of the life you thought you were building. I do not know whether you are in the acute, sharp pain of something that just happened, or the dull, chronic ache of something that has been falling apart for a long time.
But I know you are here. And I know it is hard.
I want to say something to you that I wish someone had said to me in my hardest seasons: you do not have to be okay right now. You do not have to be strong. You do not have to have a plan. You do not have to know what the lesson is or what you are supposed to learn from this or how it is all going to work out.
You are allowed to just be in it.
I know that is not what the world around you is telling you. The world is telling you to be resilient, to bounce back, to find the silver lining, to use this as fuel. And there will be a time for all of that. But that time is not necessarily right now. Right now, the most resilient thing you can do might simply be to get through the day. To eat something. To let someone hold you. To cry without apologising for it.
Resilience is not the absence of falling apart. It is the capacity to fall apart and still, eventually, find your way back.
Here is what I have learned from the seasons when everything fell apart for me: the falling apart is not the failure. The falling apart is often the beginning of something more honest, more real, more truly yours than what came before. The life that collapses is often the life that was built on foundations that were never quite right — other people's expectations, your own fears, the story you told yourself about who you had to be.
When it falls apart, you get to choose what you rebuild. And you do not have to rebuild the same thing.
But that is for later. Right now, I just want you to know that you are not alone. That what you are feeling is not weakness. That the darkness you are in right now is not permanent, even when it feels like it is.
You have survived hard things before. You have more strength in you than you can currently feel. And there are people — including me — who believe in your capacity to come through this, even when you cannot believe it yourself.
Hold on. Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help. Take it one breath at a time.
You are going to be okay. Not the same as before — better. More real. More free. More fully yourself.
I am holding the faith for you until you can hold it for yourself.
With love, Kabinga
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About the Author
Kabinga C Mazaba
International speaker, BOOKFEST Award-winning author, and transformational coach. Kabinga guides individuals from silence to voice, from surviving to thriving, through the C.O.N.F.R.O.N.T framework.
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